<Scrap>Going apes...

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Going apes... [Original posting on Friday, Dec 22th, 2009 | 13:42 PM (UTC)]
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Ding dong... good evening ladies and germs, welcome to another horrifying conclusion of what has popularly turned into our famous quote "burdened to live", now only for 9.99$. Limited edition, get yours today, buy 3 at the price of 2 and surprise your dearest relatives with a lovely winter gift!
Today on "Hugsy's Paper-view" we will be talking about AIDS and the means of combating HIV. We all know the date of it's celebration, the first of December, it's not a festive holiday like X-mas where you put up the stockings, send cards. "I'm sorry you got AIDS" cards, they don't make-em. So we got involved, a funding where we would help the children. The deal was opening contracts with various sponsors in raising funds, simple, then the hard part... giving the money away to hospitals for medical insurances, prescribed drugs (none of my favorite on the list), medical equipment and paying back the sharks calling themselves businessmen. Overcoming my anger in losing so much cash in such a short time, I visited our main hospital, you should have seen it, beds filled and ready to go with all your lovely sick and dying relatives you couldn't wait to get rid of (hello? Alaska? I have a delivery to make). Realizing I'd never see my money again, I decided to make myself a promise to never do such an idiotic thing ever again and if I ever come down with this shit (kill me), I'll personally throw out the little sweet baldy bastard and free-up a bed. That's the equipment I paid for, you selfish prick. Find another excuse before I find one to discharge your ass. A few years ago we had a kid, sweet little boy, about 18; we did what we could: pay some bills, sign some cards and then the kid comes back some time ago and he was like what? 20? So I ask him, hey were you 18 when you first came here? Yea, are you 20 now? Yeah, well get the hell outta here... how the hell could he still be an adolescent? Not in my book, he isn't.
Since we are educating you, we are explaining constantly that HIV is is a lentivirus (a member of the retrovirus family) that causes acquired immunodeficiency syndrome or AIDS, a condition in humans in which the immune system begins to fail. The first form of this Ribonucleic acid was first found on monkeys, now since we are 98.6% genetically identical with the chimps this virus was passed down to us. It all started with a butcher one day while chopping monkeys, accidentally he cut one of his fingers and contracted the virus (or so being the excuse I'd have given), he then consulted a doctor that told him, congratulations on being the first human with AIDS. Is that a bad thing? The doctor then theorized how the man got this ambiguous form of disease, one is that the man was fucking the monkey up the arse, the man irrefutably argued this theory; the second is that the man accidentally cut his finger while chopping a monkey and came in contact with the chimp's blood. I take that theory, exclaims the troubled person.
The man, curious by nature, went to Africa in search of a monkey infected with the same virus that our poor explorer had been burdened with; finding it, beating the shit out of it while shouting: you gave me AIDS, you gave me AIDS! The ruffled monkey, as well curious by nature argued Indiana Jones on his accusations. So then the man pleaded, one, the monkey shacked another monkey up the arse or two the monkey ate one of his fellow siblings. The monkey exclaimed: the second one, I ate the sibling!
And that is why we fight AIDS all around the world, happy holidays...